for those who don't know, it would take too long to explain the wonder that is my son Jonan. suffice it to say that Jonan has been the most rewarding and challenging part of my life since his days in the womb when i thought he was a girl. and since he emerged a year and a half ago, i have struggled to translate my maternal urgings into actual progess. you have all these ideas and fanciful notions about the kind of mother you'll be - what you will and won't allow, how you'll respond to tantrums and administer discipline. but most of it is meaningless because children determine how you parent because they each have different needs. i parent all six kids with the same philosophy, but their differences demand different manifestations. my son with Autism cannot be disciplined the same as the others; ditto for my son with a penchant for the dramatic.
and then there's Jonan.
in a way, i thought mothering him would be easier than mothering my stepkids because i'd be there from the beginning. and that is often the case. and my husband, veteran father that he is, offers suggestions and techniques proven effective with his first five, which also helps. but Jonan, boy wonder, seems to revel in being the exception, causing Mommy to often ask, "where are your real parents? they said they'd be back in an hour - that was 19 months ago."
our latest skirmish has been regarding his bedtime and the lack thereof. Jonan sleeps when he wants to, usually aided by Daddy's insistence. his crib is in our room, so if we're awake, he's usually awake too. his mother was also known for keeping odd hours, so she gets little sympathy from her mother. as much as i love seeing his head pop up in the morning, a small part of me cringes, knowing night is always coming.
as a special bonus, Jonan is allergic to midday naps. we can also thank Mommy for that. he does however nod out at 5pm then wake up at 8:30 - ignoring attempts to rouse him at 6 and 7 - wide awake and full of fun as my late Grandmom Elsie would say. thank God for his teenage brothers who don't mind staying up with him and delivering him to our room once he's asleep. but on a good night, he can outlast even them and the PlayStation. i was uberfrustrated by this and resigned to accept my fate as a sleep-and-privacy-deprived woman ... until the other night.
i remembered that when Jonan was a baby, he would wake up around 7am, eat, watch Super Why at 9, then nod out in his swing for about 2 hours. it then occurred to me that if i could get him to do that now, then keep him awake for another 7-8 hours, he would lay himself down to sleep for the night, early enough to give me most of my evenings back.
so Wednesday morning, i woke him up at 7:30. he was none too pleased, but this was no longer about him. this was about Mommy proving to herself (and the world) that she was boss, that she could identify a problem in her child's schedule and correct it. this was about controlling what i could, in the face of so many other things beyond my reach. this was about watching Stylista undisturbed and pillow talk truly for Hubby's ears only.
Jonan ate breakfast, ran amuck until 8:45, then started slowing down. i took him upstairs, put him in his crib, turned on Super Why, then went back downstairs. a little later, i crept into my room to discover that Jonan was fast asleep.
so far, so good ...
Jonan woke himself up at 11:15, seeming to know something was up, then proceeded to put on the Jonan Show for the rest of the day -- running around, making Jurassic Jonan noises, picking with his brothers, eating Vaseline, and having a bang up time. at 6pm, he started whining then almost fell asleep on my lap. i gave him dinner, let him run around for another half hour, washed him up, then at 7, returned him to his crib with the lights dimmed and some of his favorite books. by 7:15, he was asleep for the night. he woke up Thursday morning at 7, and we repeated the process with much success last night.
for some parents, it's eating. for others, it's incessant crying or chronic cradle cap. for still others, Heaven help them, it's all the above and more: issues with our babies we can't seem to fix. Jonan also had problems gaining weight and a few bouts with constipation. those were tough, but his doctors told us how to handle them. getting Jonan to sleep when i needed him to sleep required knowing him, knowing our home, and knowing what I was willing to do. no one helped me figure this one out -- i did it on my own. and that makes me some kind of proud of the Mother i am.
now, to get him out of our room ...
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